Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
