why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
