She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
