I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
