my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
