I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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