Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
