I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
