It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
