Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
