So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
