he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
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Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
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Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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