omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
