i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
