So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize