She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
