We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
