So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
