Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Randomize
