Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Randomize
