somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
