So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
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I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
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If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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