So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
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