Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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