Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Randomize