I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
