I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
