this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
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So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
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Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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