I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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