I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
