well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
