I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
