I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
