about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
