My friends, they love my intelligence
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
