I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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