Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
