You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
