if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
