if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
