ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Randomize
