I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Randomize
