I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
the day after is always just damage control
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
