i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I will pee on everything he values.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
