just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
