He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
