so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize