I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
