Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
