please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
