he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize