when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
