tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
