I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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