the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
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