i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
