I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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