The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
