and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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