i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
