can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
