butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
