3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
