You're my little dorito
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Randomize
