he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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