Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
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