from now on my penis is your penis
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Randomize
