I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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