the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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