Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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