the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
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My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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