And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
