Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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