I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
