so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
