I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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