so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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