that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
