She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
