Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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